4 Tricks Highly Effective Teams Use

A self-aware team is an effective team. These four steps will help you get there.

Want to get your team working more effectively? It turns out that teams, like individuals, need self-awareness to be really successful.

"The issue of the team becoming one and bonded around an identity is something I've found very useful," .

"Teams are very productive when people share a sense of identity separate from that of the organization itself."

How do you get a team to bond around an identity?

 

1. Give the team a name.

The name might simply describe what the team does.

2. Give the team a mission statement and credo.

The mission statement may simply say why the team was formed, who its customers are, and what they want from the team. It's useful to have that written down and shared among the team so all team members agree on what they're there for. "The credo is more of an 'I believe' set of statements”. "As a team we believe that when someone is speaking we should listen attentively. We believe that every meeting should have an agenda that everyone knows in advance," are some examples.

3. Do a self-assessment.

A team self-assessment is similar to an individual self-assessment. "What is this team good at? What are we not as good at? What does the team need help with? How do we survey our customers to assure ourselves that we're as good as we think we are?"

Part of the self-assessment should be making sure that everyone on the team has a role he or she is well suited to perform. "If someone is unilaterally assigned a role on the team because they're free or you need to find a place for them, that's not a way to build trust within the team”. "Trust grows exponentially when people are in their right roles, and other team members don't feel like they have to second-guess or double-check what that person does. It allows them to build the kind of synergy that will let them take on difficulties when they arise."

4. Develop listening skills and empathy.

This is important during meetings and brainstorming sessions, as well as self-assessment exercises. "Rather than saying, 'We're trying to reach this milestone, who has ideas about that?' and then listing the ideas on a whiteboard, an effective team first makes sure it understands all the issues involved. Einstein said solving a problem is 90 percent understanding it and 10 percent finding a solution."

The best teams take their time arriving at solutions and ideas rather than rushing to make a decision and take action, he adds. "You don't make decisions until you know the full story. Letting the story unfold is an attribute of an empathetic team."

10 Tips to Improve Concentration

1. Pay attention. You cannot take in information unless you are paying attention, and you cannot memorize information unless you are taking it in. Get enough food and sleep, and avoid distractions such as a background radio or television.

2. Involve as many senses as possible. For example, if you are sitting in a lecture, you will remember more of what is being said if you listen and scribble down a few notes. Or if you are reading a letter or an article, you will remember more of what is written if you read it aloud to yourself.

3. Relate new information to what you already know. New information is much easier to remember if it can be contextualised. For example, if you are prescribed a new antidepressant drug, you can relate its side-effects to the side-effects of your old antidepressant drug. Or you might notice that both antidepressant drugs are from the same class of drugs, and thus that they have similar side-effects.

4. Structure information. For example, if you need to remember what ingredients you need to cook a meal, think of them under the subheadings of starter, main course, and desert, and visualize how many ingredients there are under each sub-heading. Or if you need to remember a telephone number, think of it in terms of the five first digits, the middle three digits, and the last three digits.

5. Use mnemonics. That is, tie information to visual images, sentences, acronyms, or rhymes. For example, you might remember that your hairdresser is called Sharon by picturing a Rose of Sharon or a sharon fruit. You might remember the order of the colours of the rainbow with the sentence, ‘Richard of York got beaten in Versailles’. Or you might remember, as medical students do, the symptoms of varicose veins with the acronym ‘AEIOU’: aching, eczema, itching, oedema, and ulceration.

6. Understand information. Try to understand more complex material before you try to remember it. If possible, summarize the material in your own words and write or type out your summary. Reorganize the material or your summary of the material so that it is easier to remember. By manipulating the information in this way, you are forcing yourself to think about it actively.

7. Rehearse information. Review the information later on the same day or sleep over it and review it the following day. Thereafter, review it at regular, spaced intervals until you feel comfortable that you know it well enough.

8. Exercise your mind. Mental challenge can help to create new wire connections in the brain, which makes it more effective and more resistant to memory disorders such as Alzheimer’s disease. So develop a new hobby, read a novel, learn a foreign language, or practice yourself at crosswords or sudoku.

9. Develop a healthy lifestyle. Eat a healthy, balanced diet, take regular exercise, and avoid smoking. A healthy lifestyle increases the amount of blood and oxygen that is delivered to the brain, and reduces the risk of medical conditions that can lead to memory loss such as Alzheimer’s disease, stroke, and diabetes. Exercise also increases your ‘feel-good’ endorphins, which improves your mood and prevents depression. Depression results in impaired attention and concentration, and is also a risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease.

10. Get sufficient sleep. Sleep is necessary for memory consolidation, and feeling alert and refreshed improves your attention and concentration.

5 Most Destructive Phrases in Business

To be a better business leader, you need to avoid these five destructive phrases like the plague.

How often have you been in a productive business meeting only to have it come to a grinding halt because of something someone said? It happens all the time. A negative comment or a pessimistic concern can not only bring down morale, it can derail an entire strategy. I am convinced that there is no limit to what a team can accomplish if they were to eliminate these five destructive phrases.

1. "I can't (fill in the blank)."

Few other words in the English lexicon irk me more than the word "can't." Okay, technically, it is two words conjugated. Nevertheless, "can't" is a killer. It is one of the most commonly used ways of dodging and dishing off responsibility. It is just another way of saying "won't," as in "I won't do what I need to do to get it done." Remember, whether you think you can or think you can't...you're right.

2. "That's not the way it's done." 

Like every paradigm throughout history, at some point or another, things change. Conducting business status quo may keep you on the current trend, but to be a standout, you must do and think unlike anyone else. Great ideas and concepts come from disruptors who drive outside the lines, and nothing revolutionary ever came from doing things "the way they are done."

3. "That's impossible."

My dad once told me that the only thing that is impossible is for a man to have a baby.  Everything else is in the realm of possibility. I replied by saying, "You can't make the sky green." He then proceeded to draw a picture and color the sky green. It was an exaggeration, but I got the point. We are limited only by the limitations we place on our own realm of possibility. And, by his rationale, even my dad was wrong.  Arnold Swartzenegger had a baby.

4. "If we only had money."

Many entrepreneurs and managers, myself included, often dream and quip of the endless business possibilities we would have if only we had the flexibility of a huge financial war chest at our disposal. Unfortunately, you do not have Apple's $150M cash reserve, so get used to it. Remember, however, that even Apple started out in a garage with very little money.

5. "The problem is (fill in the blank)."

There are 7 billion people in the world. Of them, 6.999 billion of them are really, really good at identifying problems (note: that is not a scientific study). The rest are the successful business leaders who are really, really good at identifying solutions. The only time the word "problem" should come up in a meeting is if it is preceded with the words "I think I've have found a solution to the ..."

If you want to differentiate yourself as a business leader, then these phrases from your vernacular. It goes beyond thinking positively, as you need to act positively as well. And, in order to encourage your colleagues to do the same, I suggest having a "Phrase Jar" at your next meeting. Punish anyone who utters one of the above phrases by requiring them to contribute one dollar to the jar. Require them to deposit two dollars for the word "can't."  It is that destructive and annoying, and let's face it, it is actually two words conjugated.

6 Bold Faced Time Management Lies We Tell Ourselves Every Day

Lie #1 I Have Time To Do Everything

Fact: There isn’t enough time in the day to do everything.  No matter how much we finish today, no matter how productive or efficient we are – we can only accomplish a limited amount of things and have a limited number of experiences every day.  Rather than trying to go in a million different directions every day, it’s better to pick a reasonable number of things we can do well – and enjoy.

Lie #2 This Will Just Take a Minute

Fact: Nothing ever takes just a minute – and even if it does, I’ve seen estimates that say an interruption can cost you anywhere from fifteen to forty five minutes.  One lie we tell ourselves every day is how we can squeeze little things in here and there because they’ll take “just a minute”

Lie #3 It’s Faster/Better If I Just Do It Myself

Fact:  This is almost always a lie. One thing I learned from  David Walsh in Source Control is just how effective we can be if we just properly train other people – virtual assistants, or otherwise.

Lie #4 I Just Don’t Have Time

Fact: We all have the same amount of time.  When you don’t have time to do something, it’s usually a problem of 1) over committing (having too many things on your plate) or 2) wasting too much time.

Lie #5 I  Just Need To Find The Right System

Fact: No time management/productivity system will be able to give you infinite time every day if the problem is ineffective follow through on tasks, or simply having way too much on your plate.  Of course, if you have a productivity system that’s not working for you, but that you’re still spending time maintaining – that’s going to cause more time management problems than it solves.  Really, ultimately I don’t think it’s about the system – it’s about habits that encourage productivity.  That’s why I like Zen To Done – it ends up being a system, but before it gets there, it changes your underlying habits so that the changes actually stick

Lie #6 I Can Manage Time

Fact: This is the biggest time management lie of them all.  The truth is, we can’t manage time – we can only manage our own use of it and how we spend it.  We cannot manage, save or otherwise control time.   As Stephen Covey put it: “Time management’ is really a misnomer – the challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. ”

 

Time is the most valuable resource we have – and yet we often squander it by making small mistakes, and telling lies to ourselves.  In my years mentoring and coaching, here are six of the biggest time management lies I’ve found – and I’m no better, I usually catch myself telling at least one of these lies before lunch!

 

7 Signs You're Not as Self-Aware as You Think

Self-awareness is a really big deal for everyone, especially executives and business leaders. Failure to face reality can destroy your career and your company.

Empty signs

Being in the advice giving game isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's not like you get to sit on a mountaintop and just rain down pearls of wisdom on your clients. When it comes to executives and business leaders, it's almost never that black and white.

Granted, there are times when people are genuinely open to the voice of experience and perhaps a little objectivity. Then there's the opposite extreme: deep denial. Where they don't want to hear the truth no matter what you say or how you say it.

And in between those black and white peaks is a vast plane of gray, where people sort of know, deep down, what they need to do but something's stopping them from doing it. That something is almost always beneath the surface, meaning it isn't easy to get to and folks will often confound, thwart, or downright resist the effort.

The truth is there are lots of paths people take to avoid confronting whatever it is they don't want to confront. And those paths can lead to career demise or business destruction. No kidding.

 

Here are seven signs you may be heading down the latter path.

 

1.       You're a bully. If you didn't have emotions, you wouldn't be human. Feelings are important guidance mechanisms. Anger and aggression are no different. They're signs that you feel threatened or scared. You go on the offensive and bully to protect something deep within you, something you don't want people to see, often feelings of weakness and vulnerability. Ironic, isn't it?

 

2.       You're defensive. When chief executives resist a consultant or executive coach who wants to meet with their staff or outside directors one-on-one, when genuine and objective feedback makes them agitated or even angry, that's a sure sign. I'm not even sure why they call it "defensive, since defensive people almost always deflect by going on the offensive.

 

3.       You're controlling. When you behave in a controlling way--when you micromanage, pick on the little things--it usually means you're not dealing with a big thing that's really bugging you. It means you're not paying attention to something really important. Left unchecked, that can definitely take you down a dark path.

 

4.       You're passive aggressive. When you say, "Sure, no problem," then turn around and do the exact opposite, it means you don't want to confront others or be confronted by them. It's a deflection, an attempt to throw them off the scent so you don't have to deal with something that affects you deeply. Again, it's usually something you're not consciously aware of, something that makes you feel vulnerable or embarrassed.

 

5.       Your behavior changes. When your behavior changes to the point where it's noticeable to others who know or work with you, that's definitely a sign that you're really bothered by something and not aware of how it's affecting your mood. If someone brings it to your attention and you're defensive, that's an even bigger sign.

 

6.       You're grandiose. When we make over-the-top overtures to how confident we are in our ideas, our plans, our business, when our strategies defy objective reasoning or our goals don't pass the smell test, that's a sign we're genuinely in over our heads and are overcompensating to appear like we've got everything under control. I've seen and worked with quite a few CEOs in grandiose mode. If they don't come to terms with it, it never ends well.

 

7.       You make excuses. Excuses, any kind of excuses, are ways of avoiding or deflecting negative attention. Pointing fingers and blaming others are common avoidance techniques that communicate our resistance to being held accountable. That's why playing the blame game is such a transparent sign of dysfunctional leadership or management. And yet, we see it all-too-often, don't we?

8 Things You Should Not Do Every Day

It's for your own good. Cut these things out of your day and you'll see gains in productivity--not to mention happiness.

If you get decent value from making to-do lists, you'll get huge returns--in productivity, in improved relationships, and in your personal well-being--from adding these items to your not to-do list:

Every day, make the commitment not to:

 

1. Check my phone while I'm talking to someone.

You've done it. You've played the, "Is that your phone? Oh, it must be mine," game. You've tried the you-think-sly-but-actually-really-obvious downwards glance. You've done the, "Wait, let me answer this text..." thing.

Maybe you didn't even say, "Wait." You just stopped talking, stopped paying attention, and did it.

Want to stand out? Want to be that person everyone loves because they make you feel, when they're talking to you, like you're the most important person in the world?

Stop checking your phone. It doesn't notice when you aren't paying attention.

Other people? They notice.

And they care.

 

2. Multitask during a meeting.

The easiest way to be the smartest person in the room is to be the person who pays the most attention to the room.

You'll be amazed by what you can learn, both about the topic of the meeting and about the people in the meeting if you stop multitasking and start paying close attention. You'll flush out and understand hidden agendas, you'll spot opportunities to build bridges, and you'll find ways to make yourself indispensable to the people who matter.

It's easy, because you'll be the only one trying.

And you'll be the only one succeeding on multiple levels.

 

3. Think about people who don't make any difference in my life.

Trust me: The inhabitants of planet are okay without you.

But your family, your friends, your employees--all the people that really matter to you--are not. Give them your time and attention.

They're the ones who deserve it.

 

4. Use multiple notifications.

You don't need to know the instant you get an email. Or a text. Or a tweet. Or anything else that pops up on your phone or computer.

If something is important enough for you to do, it's important enough for you to do without interruptions. Focus totally on what you're doing. Then, on a schedule you set--instead of a schedule you let everyone else set--play prairie dog and pop your head up to see what's happening.

And then get right back to work. Focusing on what you are doing is a lot more important than focusing on other people might be doing.

They can wait. You, and what is truly important to you, cannot.

 

5. Let the past dictate the future.

Mistakes are valuable. Learn from them.

Then let them go.

Easier said than done? It all depends on your perspective. When something goes wrong, turn it into an opportunity to learn something you didn't know--especially about yourself.

When something goes wrong for someone else, turn it into an opportunity to be gracious, forgiving, and understanding.

The past is just training. The past should definitely inform but in no way define you--unless you let it.

 

6. Wait until I'm sure I will succeed.

You can never feel sure you will succeed at something new, but you can always feel sure you are committed to giving something your best.

And you can always feel sure you will try again if you fail.

Stop waiting. You have a lot less to lose than you think, and everything to gain.

 

7. Talk behind someone's back.

If only because being the focus of gossip sucks. (And so do the people who gossip.)

If you've talked to more than one person about something Joe is doing, wouldn't everyone be better off if you stepped up and actually talked to Joe about it? And if it's "not your place" to talk to Joe, it's probably not your place to talk about Joe.

Spend your time on productive conversations. You'll get a lot more done--and you'll gain a lot more respect.

 

8. Say "yes" when I really mean "no."

Refusing a request from colleagues, customers, or even friends is really hard. But rarely does saying no go as badly as you expect. Most people will understand, and if they don't, should you care too much about what they think?

When you say no, at least you'll only feel bad for a few moments. When you say yes to something you really don't want to do you might feel bad for a long time--or at least as long as it takes you to do what you didn't want to do in the first place.

9 Habits of People Who Build Extraordinary Relationships

The most extraordinary professional relationships are built by ordinary actions like these.

Professional success is important to everyone, but still, success in business and in life means different things to different people--as well it should.

But one fact is universal: Real success, the kind that exists on multiple levels, is impossible without building great relationships. Real success is impossible unless you treat other people with kindness, regard, and respect.

After all, you can be a rich jerk... but you will also be a lonely jerk.

That's why people who build extraordinary business relationships:

 

1. Take the hit.

A customer gets mad. A vendor complains about poor service. A mutual friend feels slighted.

Sometimes, whatever the issue and regardless of who is actually at fault, some people step in and take the hit. They're willing to accept the criticism or abuse because they know they can handle it--and they know that maybe, just maybe, the other person can't.

Few acts are more selfless than taking the undeserved hit. And few acts better cement a relationship.

 

2. Step in without being asked.

It's easy to help when you're asked. Most people will.

Very few people offer help before they have been asked, even though most of the time that is when a little help will make the greatest impact.

People who build extraordinary relationships pay close attention so they can tell when others are struggling. Then they offer to help, but not in a general, "Is there something I can do to help you?" way.

Instead they come up with specific ways they can help. That way they can push past the reflexive, "No, I'm okay..." objections. And they can roll up their sleeves and make a difference in another person's life.

Not because they want to build a better relationship, although that is certainly the result, but simply because they care.

 

3. Answer the question that is not asked.

Where relationships are concerned, face value is usually without value. Often people will ask a different question than the one they really want answered.

A colleague might ask you whether he should teach a class at a local college; what he really wants to talk about is how to take his life in a different direction.

A partner might ask how you felt about the idea he presented during the last board meeting; what he really wants to talk about is his diminished role in the running of the company.

An employee might ask how you built a successful business; instead of kissing up he might be looking for some advice--and encouragement--to help him follow his own dreams.

Behind many simple questions is often a larger question that goes unasked. People who build great relationships think about what lies underneath so they can answer that question, too.

 

4. Know when to dial it back.

Outgoing and charismatic people are usually a lot of fun... until they aren't. When a major challenge pops up or a situation gets stressful, still, some people can't stop "expressing their individuality." (Admit it: You know at least one person so in love with his personality he can never dial it back.)

People who build great relationships know when to have fun and when to be serious, when to be over the top and when to be invisible, and when to take charge and when to follow.

Great relationships are multifaceted and therefore require multifaceted people willing to adapt to the situation--and to the people in that situation.

 

5. Prove they think of others.

People who build great relationships don't just think about other people. They act on those thoughts.

One easy way is to give unexpected praise. Everyone loves unexpected praise--it's like getting flowers not because it's Valentine's Day, but "just because." Praise helps others feel better about themselves and lets them know you're thinking about them (which, if you think about it, is flattering in itself.)

Take a little time every day to do something nice for someone you know, not because you're expected to but simply because you can. When you do, your relationships improve dramatically.

 

6. Realize when they have acted poorly.

Most people apologize when their actions or words are called into question.

Very few people apologize before they are asked to--or even before anyone notices they should.

Responsibility is a key building block of a great relationship. People who take the blame, who say they are sorry and explain why they are sorry, who don't try to push any of the blame back on the other person--those are people everyone wants in their lives, because they instantly turn a mistake into a bump in the road rather than a permanent roadblock.

 

7. Give consistently, receive occasionally.

A great relationship is mutually beneficial. In business terms that means connecting with people who can be mentors, who can share information, who can help create other connections; in short, that means going into a relationship wanting something.

The person who builds great relationships doesn't think about what she wants; she starts by thinking about what she can give. She sees giving as the best way to establish a real relationship and a lasting connection. She approaches building relationships as if it's all about the other person and not about her, and in the process builds relationships with people who follow the same approach.

In time they make real connections.

And in time they make real friends.

 

8. Value the message by always valuing the messenger.

When someone speaks from a position of position of power or authority or fame it's tempting to place greater emphasis on their input, advice, and ideas.

We listen to Tony Hsieh. We listen to Norm Brodsky. We listen to Seth Godin.

The guy who mows our lawn? Maybe we don't listen to him so much.

That's unfortunate. Smart people strip away the framing that comes with the source--whether positive or negative--and consider the information, advice, or idea based solely on its merits.

People who build great relationships never automatically discount the message simply because they discount the messenger. They know good advice is good advice, regardless of where it comes from.

And they know good people are good people, regardless of their perceived "status."

 

9. Start small... and are happy to stay small.

I sometimes wear a Reading Football Club sweatshirt. The checkout clerk at the grocery store noticed it one day and said, "Oh, you're a Reading supporter? My team is Manchester United."

Normally, since I'm pretty shy, I would have just nodded and said something innocuous, but for some reason I said, "You think Man U can beat Real Madrid next week?"

He gave me a huge smile and said, "Oh yeah. We'll crush them!" (Too bad he was wrong.)

Now whenever I see him he waves, often from across the store. I almost always walk over, say hi, and talk briefly about soccer.

That's as far as our relationship is likely to go and that's okay. For a couple of minutes we transcend the customer/employee relationship and become two people brightening each other's day.

And that's enough, because every relationship, however minor and possibly fleeting, has value.

People who build great relationships treat every one of their relationships that way. (That's a lesson I need to take to heart more often.)

10 Things Really Amazing Bosses Do

1. Good Bosses maintain control and get things done.

Amazing Bosses know efficiency can be the enemy of efficacy in the long run and so they work to create an atmosphere of expansive thinking. They empower their team with time, resources and techniques, to solve big issues with big ideas instead of Band-Aids and checklists.

 

2. Good Bosses foster a sense of community, making room for everyone.

Amazing Bosses form an internal culture by design rather than default, making sure they attract the right people to get on the bus and then get them in the right seats. They also make sure that the wrong people never get on the bus, or if they do, they get off quickly.

 

3. Good Bosses invite creative thinking.

Amazing Bosses know how to integrate creativity into daily conversation and procedures so that every employee feels natural about being creative and facilitating productive creativity when interacting with others in the company.

 

4. Good Bosses create an open environment for voicing concern and frustration.

Amazing Bosses create an environment where people are empowered to make change on their own to improve product, process, and procedures. They integrate open communication to the point where the expression of honest concerns is expected, required, and desired by everyone involved to achieve the highest levels of team performance.

 

5. Good Bosses encourage career development for their employees.

Amazing Bosses integrate individual learning and development into every job description so that personal growth is required and rewarded. They know companies that do this thrive thanks to new leaders rising from the inside. They make sure the company apportions time and dollars toward personal growth so that everyone shares reasonable expectations of commitment and success.

 

6. Good Bosses run effective and efficient meetings.

Amazing Bosses make sure that everyone on the team understands the difference between a valuable meeting and a waste of time and resources. They educate the team on facilitation techniques and give each person consistent practice at structuring and leading effective meetings with postmortem feedback.

 

7.  Good Bosses build trust so people feel safe.

Amazing Bosses encourage constant interaction and high performance within the team so they succeed or fail together, creating tight bonds of loyalty to the company and each other. Successes are met with equal high praise and rewards, while failures are met with encouraging acceptance and postmortem learning discussions yielding next-step improvements. (Of course amazing bosses know how to make sure people and teams fail safely in the first place.)

 

8. Good Bosses generate happiness in the workplace.

Amazing Bosses constantly seek and execute ways to help employees gain deep personal satisfaction from their responsibilities so they are inspired and excited to come to work and perform well every day.

 

9. Good Bosses make sure people are responsible for their roles and actions.

Amazing Bosses promote personal accountability by providing clear communication and buy-in as to the culture, vision, and goals for the company. They know how to effectively and efficiently align the team, communicate in rhythm, and measure progress so they can adjust quickly with minimal risk.

 

10. Good Bosses know how to praise and show gratitude.

Amazing Bosses know how to instill a deep sense of personal satisfaction and accomplishment in individual team members. They help employees develop a strong sense of self-confidence and self-praise that outweighs any pat-on-the-back or award provided.

 

Are you truly an amazing boss or just a good one? See how many of these 10 traits are natural for you.

Recently, I had overwhelming response to my column on 10 Things Really Amazing Employees Do. In it, I also gave tips for being a better boss. Better is great, but amazing bosses didn't need the tips because they already knew what to do.

Being a boss is hard. People don't naturally wish to have one. And not everyone aspires to be one. But most people are anxious to follow a good leader, and most organizations live and die on the quality of the leaders who run them. See how you stack up with these 10 traits. I have given a reference point for good bosses as well so you can assess if you are truly hitting the mark or if perhaps your people are just being nice when they say you're amazing.

 

11 Life-Changing Questions You Must Ask Yourself

1. Who would cry the most at my funeral?

Those are people who love you unconditionally. Start returning the feeling.

 

2. Do I spend enough time with the people who would cry the most at my funeral?

Probably not. Even though those are the people who see the good in you, and make you feel good about yourself.

 

3. Who would I want to cry the most at my funeral?

Chances are those are the people you neglect the most. You care about them but you're taking them for granted. Stop taking them for granted.

 

4. Am I proud to tell people where I work?

If not, it's time to start looking elsewhere. Titles come and go. Money comes and goes. Pride is forever.

 

5. Is my company a business I would want my children to run?

There may be aspects of your business you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, much less your kids: insufferable customers, unbearable employees, difficult working conditions, uncertain long-term prospects. If you would say to your child, "No, I wouldn't want you to have to deal with that..." why do allow yourself to continue to deal with that? Naturally you want your kids to be happy. You also deserve to be happy. List the problems, then fix the problems. If you want a better future for your kids, show them the way by making a better future for yourself.

 

6. Does today feel different than yesterday?

It should, if only in a very small way. Otherwise you're sitting still.

 

7. Do I say "no" more than I say "yes"?

"No" ensures today will be exactly the same as yesterday. Or maybe worse.

 

8. Do I spend money instead of time?

Maybe you buy your kids "stuff" because you feel guilty for being away so much, or missing events, or being distracted most of the time. Maybe you buy your significant other "stuff" when you feel guilty about not paying enough attention or showing, by word and action, that you care.

 

Or maybe you spend money on productivity tools instead of putting in the time to change inefficient work habits. Or maybe you buy expensive fitness equipment and trendy workout gear instead of just sucking it up and working out more. Money never produces the same results as time. Expensive clothes can't get you in shape; productivity apps can't make you more efficient; a new tablet can't transform your business life. Money can change some things, temporarily. Time can change anything, forever. And don't forget: Your kids will soon forget the video game you bought them but they'll never forget the afternoon you spent together.

 

9. Do I think of myself as a noun?

"I'm an inventor." "I'm a speaker." "I'm a writer."

 

You're in a box.

 

Start defining yourself as a noun and you start to feel like you've arrived (even when you haven't). Slowly your focus shifts to "being" rather than doing, to maintaining a sense of self rather than striving to continually improve specific skills. And you slowly close yourself off to other activities, other ventures, and other possibilities. Don't define yourself by what you do. Never let yourself be a noun. Be a person who does lots of verbs--and is always open to more.

 

10. Do I make people feel good about themselves?

Unexpected praise, like the gift given "just because," makes a huge impact. Every day, people around you do good things. Praise at least one of them, sincerely and specifically. They'll feel great. You'll feel great.

 

11. Do I scare myself?

If not, you should.

 

Don't scare yourself with fear of the future, or the economy, or injury or death, but with things you decide to do that push, stretch, challenge, and leave you excited and thrilled and relieved in an "Oh my gosh I can't believe I did that!" way. We all have fears. What matters is what we do when we're hesitant or nervous or afraid. When we turn away, we die a little inside; when we face a fear and do what we really want to do, we feel truly alive.

 

Are you living... or really living?

 

You only get one chance. Make sure you live.

 

Ask yourself these questions every day. Without fail. And then, based on your answers, take action.

man looking in the mirror. Keep this list handy. Ask yourself these questions every day--without fail. And then, based on your answers, take action.