4 Subtle Gestures That Really Turn People Off

Hand-touching

Hand-touching can make you look tentative and nervous, which could cause observers to think you are hiding something or not being honest, or that you lack confidence. Clasping your hands together may also be interpreted as a closing-off gesture: It could look as if you were putting up a fence between yourself and the people you're speaking with. When you see Nexi do the gesture, it looks like she's a plotting poker player gathering in a massive pile of other people's chips.

Touching your own face

Touching your own face is a common gesture that signals you are thinking. After all, you're touching your head. But what you are thinking is unknown to those who are trying to determine if you can be trusted. And if they don't know you well, the safe choice might be to decide that you're up to no good. To touch another's face is a gesture of intimacy and affection, but to touch your own face is to mask your expression.

Crossing your arms

Crossing your arms is a classic closing gesture. By doing it, you cover your heart and protect your solar plexus, the most vulnerable real estate on the body. Crossing the arms tends to communicate that your true feelings will remain undisclosed, and that you are not open for collaboration.

Leaning away

We like people who like us. When you lean in, you express the desire to be close. When you lean away, you could very well be seen as someone who is running away, disengaged, or avoiding contact--you're aloof on the balcony, not moshing on the dance floor.

Successful public figures are trained to avoid these gestures, which is behavioral marketing: it's hard to get elected and govern if you send negative signals.

Those of us in business also need to earn the trust of the people we seek to influence--which is almost everyone we meet, from direct reports, to peers, to the big boss at the top of the food chain. With a little practice, you can avoid touching your hands and face, crossing your arms, or leaning away from people you're conversing with.

If you watch the video of Nexi, it's clear that Dr. DeSteno is right: Our minds ascribe moral intention to gestures--even those performed by robots--if they show any hint of emotional expression.