10 Daily Habits of Exceptionally Happy People

"I will not blame other people – for anything."

Employees make mistakes. Vendors don't deliver on time. Potential customers never sign. You blame them for your problems.
But you are also to blame. Maybe you didn't provide enough training, build in enough of a buffer, or asked for too much too soon. Take responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others -- then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time. And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.

"I will not check my phone while I'm talking to someone."

You've looked away. You’ve done the, "Wait, let me answer this text..." thing. Maybe you didn't even say, "Wait." You just stopped talking, stopped paying attention, and did it. Want to be that person everyone loves because they make you feel, when they're talking to you, like you're the most important person in the world? Stop checking your phone. Other people will feel better about you – and you’ll feel better about yourself.

"I will not multitask during a meeting."

The easiest way to be the smartest person in the room is to be the person who pays the most attention to the room. You'll be amazed by what you can learn, both about the topic of the meeting and about the people in the meeting if you stop multitasking and start paying close attention. You'll flush out and understand hidden agendas, you'll spot opportunities to build bridges, and you'll find ways to make yourself indispensable to the people who matter.

"I will not interrupt."

Interrupting isn't just rude. When you interrupt someone what you're really saying is, "I'm not listening to you so I can understand what you're saying; I'm listening to you so I can decide what I want to say." Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say. They'll love you for it -- and you'll love how that makes you feel.

"I will not waste time on people who make no difference in my life."

Trust me: The inhabitants of planet TMZ are doing fine without you. But your family, your friends, your employees -- all the people that really matter to you – are not. Give them your time and attention. They're the ones who deserve it.

"I will not be distracted by multiple notifications."

You don't need to know the instant you get an email or text or tweet or like. If something is important enough for you to do, it's important enough for you to do without interruptions. Focus totally on what you're doing. Then, on a schedule you set -- instead of a schedule you let everyone else set -- play prairie dog and pop your head up to see what's happening. Focusing on what you are doing is a lot more important than focusing on other people might be doing.

"I will not whine."

Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better. If something is wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you'll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now. Don't talk about what's wrong. Talk about how you'll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself.

"I will not let the past control my future."

Mistakes are valuable. Learn from them. Then let them go. Easier said than done? It all depends on your perspective. When something goes wrong, turn it into an opportunity to learn something you didn't know -- especially about yourself. When something goes wrong for someone else, turn it into an opportunity to be gracious, forgiving, and understanding. The past is just training. The past should definitely inform but in no way define you -- unless you let it.

"I will not wait until I'm convinced I will succeed."

You can never feel sure you will succeed at something new, but you can always feel sure you are committed to giving something your best. And you can always feel sure you will try again if you fail. Stop waiting. You have a lot less to lose than you think, and everything to gain.

"I will not talk behind another person’s back."

If only because being the focus of gossip sucks. (And so do the people who gossip.) If you've talked to more than one person about something Joe is doing, wouldn't everyone be better off if you stepped up and actually talked to Joe about it? And if it's "not your place" to talk to Joe, it's probably not your place to talk about Joe. Spend your time on productive conversations. You'll get a lot more done--and you'll gain a lot more respect.

"I will not say yes when I really mean no."

Refusing a request from colleagues, customers, or even friends is really hard. But rarely does saying no go as badly as you expect. Most people will understand, and if they don't, should you care too much about what they think? When you say no, at least you'll only feel bad for a few moments. When you say yes to something you really don't want to do you might feel bad for a long time -- or at least as long as it takes you to do what you didn't want to do in the first place.

"I will not be afraid."

We're all afraid: of what might or might not happen, what we can't change, what we won't be able to do, or how other people might perceive us. So it's easier to hesitate... and think a little longer, do more research, or explore more alternatives. Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by. And so do our dreams.
Whatever you've been planning or imagining or dreaming of, get started today. Put your fears aside. Do something. Do anything. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever. Today is the most precious asset you own -- and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting.

 

 

6 Quick Ways to Be Happier at Work

1. Take a "quiet minute" each morning.

Within your morning routine, carve out a minute--60 seconds--to be silent, by yourself. Don't think about work. Read a poem or say a prayer. Or just rest your brain. You'll be amazed at how much extra energy it will create for the rest of your day.

2. Smile more frequently.

Smiling accomplishes two things. First, it tells your brain to be more happy. (Try being depressed with a huge grin stuck on your face.)  Second, when you smile it tends to make other people smile, too. It's contagious, in a good way.

3. Give yourself more credit.

Take a second to give yourself a mental and emotional pat on the back every time you complete a project, even if it's only a small part of a larger effort.  This creates a sense of accomplishment that keeps you from feeling overwhelmed.

4. Celebrate when you learn something.

If you're alive, you can't help learning something new every day. The trick here is to recognize when you've learned something new and potentially important.  That's a victory and worth a quiet, inner "hooray!"

5. Enjoy human nature.

Let's face it: people do really strange things. You have a choice when confronted with these foibles: 1) be irritated or 2) be amused.  Being irritated makes you miserable but being amused helps you find creative ways to work around the limitations of others.

6. Say thanks to those who do thankless tasks.

You probably already know that you should thank co-workers and customers on a regular basis.  But what about the janitors, the facilities people, the call center staff? They've got really tough jobs and seldom hear that their contributions are valued.

The 6 Most Effective Types of Email

The Big Vision

Are you a leader in your company--or of a business?  People like to be in a ship steered by a visionary captain.  Trouble is, they won't know the shape of your vision unless you tell them.  And you'll need to take a cue from the advertising world--where you hear slogans over and over until they're inextricably linked with their product and you're left wondering why you just can't bear to live one more second without that new iPad.  Retention is the name of the game.  Employees need to hear your message over and over--so when a milestone happens, publicize it internally and link it back to your vision.  When someone does something great for the company, recognize them and reinforce how it helps bring that big picture into better focus.  Continually connect the dots.

The Gratitude Message

There is always a reason to say thank you.  The employee who went the extra mile.  Your entire workforce at year-end.  A family member who picked up your kids when you were stuck or the friend who was there during a personal crisis.  An investor who made a pivotal connection for you.  Try sending one around established holidays, typically a more relaxed time when a personal message is likely to resonate more.  A quick, heartfelt expression of gratitude says someone else's efforts, good deed or positive intentions did not go unnoticed and was, in fact, very appreciated.

The Relationship Repair

Leaders can hose it up like anyone else.  If you're prevented from saying it in person, an emailed apology--brief, sincere, and clear--can go a long way to mending a relationship that's been dented by your bad mood, bad call or bad act.

The Delegation

Move things off your plate!  Good leaders are always striving to make the biggest bang for their buck.  That's true with financials and it should be equally as true with your time.  If you understand your team's individual strengths, delegating should be short work for you.  And if a project seems to be just on the margins of a person's current ability, give it to that individual anyway.  With the proper guidance, a stretch assignment can light a fire and fuel growth for a person.

The Connection

I've written about this before, but one of the best things you can do is introduce people who ought to know one another.  Perhaps they share common professional goals and interests.  Maybe an investor is looking for the next big thing in health tech and it so happens you know an enterprising entrepreneur whose idea needs funding.  Or perhaps it's an established professional and a person new to the workforce  who could benefit from mutual mentoring.  A quick intro and you've paid your professional karma toll for the week.

The Polite, Pointed Smackdown

There are times when it's useful to have a clear, direct expression of your unhappiness on the record.  There's no need to be a jerk about it--however, when someone has not met the expectations you've outlined, it needs to be noted.  It's sometimes best to convey these hard truths verbally--but there's also a time and place for the well-devised electronic missive.  Be to the point and remind the person of your mutual understanding (e.g. Supplier X, in all our communications to date, we were clear the delivery date was last Friday).  Outline why the lapse is not acceptable (e.g. As we've discussed, a late delivery puts our entire schedule at risk and incurs a penalty cost with our end customer of 15 percent).  Make it clear what resolution you expect and in what timeframe (e.g. We expect the delivery no later than Wednesday along with a 50 percent refund.).  Remember--you are not out to ruin someone's day by being pejorative or unfairly harsh but it can be within your rights to put that person squarely on notice.

 

6 Avoidable Mistakes Entrepreneurs Make

1. Fighting fires rather than scaling up

Great entrepreneurs have a tendency to focus on crises: product issues, customer issues, investor issues and, of course, running out of money.  They forget a startup can't possibly grow and succeed unless they spend the time to interview and hire great candidates.

What to do: Put aside at least two hours a week for recruiting and interviewing candidates, even if you're not currently hiring. Ideally, you want a "stable" of potential hires whenever you need to hire somebody.

2. Doing rather than coaching.

For a startup to grow, everyone on the team must up-level every 12 months. That's only possible if the owner helps them understand what new skills and behaviors they'll need in order to grow themselves as the company grows.

What to do: Think of coaching as an investment in time management.  Yes, it takes longer to coach somebody to do a task than to do it yourself.  Once you've trained somebody, though, that task leaves your to-do list, creating time to do those things that only you can do.

3. Failing to plan for setbacks

Even the best-run companies encounter problems.  If you're not prepared to deal with them, even a small hiccup can derail your ambitious plans.

What to do: Work with your investors and "board of advisors" to create written contingency plans, in case there are product delays, slower-than-expected sales cycles, departures of key personnel, and so forth.

4. Focusing too much on setbacks.

This is the other side of the coin.  While it's essential to have contingency plans, if you focus too much on "what could go wrong," you can demoralize your employees and (just as important) yourself.

What to do: Compartmentalize your planning so that it doesn't affect enthusiasm.  Once you've written down your plan, put the document on a shelf and forget about it.  Let the fact that you've got a plan free you from having to worry about it.

5. Not enough relationship building

Entrepreneur often find themselves lurching from crisis to crisis, which leaves little time to concentrate the personal side of the journey, the building of the relationships that will matter long after the crises have passed.

What to do: Commit regularly to meeting with your investors, management team and employees to do something enjoyable that's not related to work.  These events can be as simple as get-togethers at a local restaurant or as elaborate as a week with Habitat for Humanity.

6. Neglecting your corporate culture

Companies that win "great place to work" awards and have high retention rates (and hence lower personnel costs) always have founders or CEOs who specifically set out to create an environment where people like to work.

What to do: Making working for your company more than just a way for employees to get rich.  Give your engineers challenging problems. Give your marketers the best tools. Publically praise your salespeople.  Generously heap credit wherever and wherever it's due.

 

 

The 5 Secrets of Great Bosses

1. Inspire growth: Great leaders help employees build needed skills and toss antiquated ones. They help employees try new approaches that can increase quality and efficiency. Great bosses hold employees to high standards of performance and delivery. They ensure employees see the business from their customers’ point of view so that great service is the norm.

2. Honor relationships: They know that positive relationships based on shared values create trust and respect. They understand that without mutual trust and respect, workplace cooperation disappears. Great bosses demand civility as a minimum standard for treatment of workplace peers and customers, no matter what. They create clear “rules” to ensure fair and kind treatment of everyone.

3. Inspire excellence: They set high standards of performance for themselves and for every employee. They know that their team and organization have made performance promises -- to each other and to customers. Hitting or exceeding these high standards means those promises are kept. Great bosses celebrate goal traction and effort as well as goal accomplishment - every day.

4. Ensure accountability: Top-notch leaders know that consequence management is the path to high performing, values-aligned teams. They craft an environment of both joint accountability (the team delivers on its promises) and individual accountability (every individual delivers on his or her promises). Consequence management means there is consistent and prompt validation of aligned effort as well as consistent and prompt redirection of misaligned effort.

5. Encourage teamwork: They understand that cooperative teamwork among employees maintains trust and respect more than competitive interaction does. Great bosses create incentives for not only individual contribution but for aligned team contributions, too. A mantra of “win as one team” helps create a supportive yet driven environment where team members work together to deliver promised products and services.

By integrating some of these practices in your own work teams, you can become a great boss to your employees -- while boosting performance, service and profits.

 

6 Tips For Accepting Failure and Moving On

1. Accept the situation: Understand right away that some things are NOT in your control. It is a marathon, not a sprint. The quicker you stop getting upset, the quicker you can use this as a lesson to move on.

2. You are not alone: Surround yourself with like-minded people. One of the biggest assets of being part of an entrepreneurial community like AlleyNYC is that you are surrounded by people who are going through pretty similar things.  We support each other, during the high times and the low.  Check out coworking in your area, and if you are in NYC feel free to drop by AlleyNYC.

3. Screw it: No matter how much you believe in what you are doing, something is not working. Take a step back. Breathe. Take some time off from the project. Visit your family and friends and love what is most important.  You live one time, and this is just a passing phase. You will get through this, but you have to clear your head if you are going to win.

4. Prepare for battle: This is not for the faint of heart. You have to separate your feelings from this game. It’s a business: it’s cut throat; it's bloody; it's a war.  You must get back on the horse and do it again. You were working on the wrong project… so what? You are passionate, you are driven and applying those qualities to the right project you WILL be successful.

5. Be realistic: I love the saying, “It took me 10 years to become an overnight success.” Successful businesses take years and years. True hustlers grind through it. If you surveyed 100 successful entrepreneurs and asked them if they were successful on their first product I would bet you that 99 percent would say “no way”. Note that 86.3 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot :).

6. Learn Lean: Lean methodology is proven to work. It’s common sense. Validating your assumptions before you go down the rabbit hole of building in a vacuum is essential. With the tools you have in this day and age, learning this methodology is easy. A great way is to find out the next Lean Startup Machine workshop in your area. This three day course will teach you valuable skillsets to help you save brain damage, time, and money.  

Accept failure, people. Failure is awesome. Failing fast gets you that much closer to success.  I hope this information is helpful and you win big. See you at the TOP.

 

 

10 Tips for Behaving as a Grown-Up Professional

1. Show enthusiasm in what you do but do not over-promise results

2. Ditch the colloquialisms and slang. You want to be professionally mature, not college cool.

3. Stay away from political or religious conversations. You may want to even avoid voicing your position on current events.

4. Before you decorate your cubicle or office ask: how could this be interpreted by a peer, boss or client?

5. Recognize when someone's day is upside down. A business meeting delayed until next week will be more productive than a rushed and distracted meeting today. 

6. Don't show up empty-handed when invited to someone's house.

7. No triangle conversations. Don't speak for other people. In conflict, make sure all parties are present when discussing.

8. When upset, detach from emotion before you speak or make a decision. If you are not “wired” this way, discipline yourself. Start training your self-restraint muscle.

9. If someone is good at what they do or has helped you in some way, tell them. We don’t have to wait until the eulogy. 

10. Handwritten thank you notes go a long way when someone has helped you.

20 Reasons to Start Your Own Business

1. Spare time. This one can take some time.  Initially you’ll work longer hours for less pay.  But if you do it right, you could start to master your schedule and the freedom that being an entrepreneur provides is awesome. 

2. A story to tell. Whenever I tell someone I run my own business, they always want to know what I do, how I do it and how it’s going. I always am able to provide a tale or two, and the best part is that I get to determine the story's chapters. (When working for a corporation, people most likely have less input.)

3. Tax benefits. For entrepreneurs (freelancers included), they have the opportunity to take advantage of some nice tax perks. Many can write off expenses like travel, food, phone bills, portions of car payments, and the list goes on. Also, certain startups qualify for government incentives. Make sure to ask your accountant about what tax benefits you may be eligible for.

4. Pride. When you build something successful, it’s a great feeling. You had a vision, were able to execute it and not can reap the benefits of saying "I did this." On the other hand, it’s tough to be proud of the zillionth request for proposal request you fill out for your employer.

5. Your posterity. If you’re a doctor, plumber or bus driver it’s hard to imagine you passing your career on to your loved ones. But if you own your own business, that’s something you can pass on to the next generation. And be proud of it, because you created it.

6. Job security. Have you ever been laid off, downsized, or fired?  If you have, you get this. With entrepreneurship the security lies in the fact you are your own boss. You run the show and don't have to worry about getting let go.

7. Networking. Entrepreneurs are communal creatures.  We love to meet each other, swap stories, and learn from each other’s experiences. Your circle of friends and acquaintances always grows when you become an entrepreneur, as many founders need others to lean on to survive and talk about the challenges only known to them.

8. Doing good. While this isn’t exclusive to entrepreneurs, it’s definitely a perk. You control where your company profits go and if you choose, you can give allocate your financial gains to others. You can sponsor a charity, a non-profit or just personally give back to the community.  This is quite honestly one of the best parts of being an entrepreneur.

9. Novelty. We, as humans, love new experiences but rarely can you experience a host of new things from inside your cubicle. This all changes when you are running the show. Starting your own business will ensure you’ll always be facing new challenge and experiencing something new.

10. Mentorship. Having had mentors and getting to be a mentor have been some of the best experiences of my life.  Learning from the masters and getting to help those less experienced than you gives you such a sense of satisfaction. From my experience (and other's stories) the entrepreneurial community is very willing to give back and lend a helping hand.

11. Becoming an expert. This point goes along with mentorship.  Regardless of what you do as an entrepreneur, if you stick with it, you’ll probably become very good at it. And this gives you a sort of soapbox, so use it. You'll have the chance to be interviewed for your expertise, write about it and get to spread your message.

12. Skills. People ask me how I learned about SEO, social media, pay-per-click, PR and all the other marketing techniques I utilize. I tell them that I was forced to learn them, otherwise I wouldn't survive.  The same way I was forced to learn how to build a spreadsheet, how to balance a budget, how to negotiate leases and countless other skills I picked up because I was the only resource I had. While developing new skills can be tough and takes times, it can pay off in spades.  These skills will be invaluable throughout your life.

13. Determination. Everything I’ve done as an entrepreneur has affected me in my personal life.  I used to be poor at committing to changes. But having been an entrepreneur for over a decade has forced me to become dedicated and determined to causes. (Now I can stick to an exercise plan much easier.)  I’m also better at being a father and husband because of that determination I learned.

14. Recognition. There are literally thousands of local, regional and national awards that recognize entrepreneurs in every field and industry. This shouldn’t be your only reason to start your business, but it certainly is a great feeling when you receive this recognition.

15. Financial independence. Let’s be honest, this is probably the biggest reason people get into business for themselves.  And that’s a good thing!  You should want financial independence.  However you define financial independence – retirement stockpile, unlimited cash potential or having the money to buy what you want --  entrepreneurship can allow you to achieve it. Trust me, money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does make finding happiness much easier.

16. Reinvention. I’ve started and sold several companies over my career.  And every time I sell a company, I’m presented with an opportunity to reinvent myself all over again. On the flip side, if I had received my law degree, I’d be a lawyer (not a lot of room to recreate myself). But as an entrepreneur, I get to be whatever I want to be.

17. Change the world. Everyone jokes that every entrepreneur says they’re going to change the world. It’s difficult to imagine how a cell phone accessory kiosk in the mall is going to change the world.  But there are those that do succeed.  Take a look at Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Sergey Brin, and the countless other entrepreneurs who really have changed the world in some small (or major) way.

18. Create jobs. There’s nothing like the satisfaction of knowing you’re responsible for the success of your employees.  Your ideas provided them the opportunity to earn a living, provide for their family and fulfill their own dreams.

19. Your brand. Being known for something is awfully enjoyable.  People may start referring to you as the marketing guy, or the retail maven or the software guru.  Whatever it is you’re recognized as, it’s fun to build that brand and earn that recognition.

20. Your reason. I’ve given you a list of why I think you should get into business.  But all that really matters is your reason to start your own business.  So, what is it?  Tweet out this story and add your reason.  Comment below and share with us why you did it.  I know it will be a good one. 

 

 

7 Supereffective Ways to Work Smarter

1. Create a routine for the best use of your time

Schedule errands, meetings, and appointments back to back so that you aren't venturing out of the office multiple times a day. Incorporate your lunch breaks into this period, and you can lay out exactly how much time you are going to spend on each project daily.

2. Create a to-do list for your day, week, and month

Highlight the most important things that need to be done each month, and then assign the tasks needed to complete them to specific weeks and days on your to-do list. This is the most effective way to be sure that a huge project won't get overlooked and that your time is being used as effectively as possible.

3. Figure out what must be done only by you, and outsource the rest

Don't let yourself be held back from tackling the important things by busywork. Look in-house first--are there other people on your team who can take these jobs off of your hands? If not, there are many websites available, such as Fiverr and Fancy Hands, that offer relatively cheap services for monotonous daily tasks, and they are more than happy to take your work.

4. Find people who are good at the things you are not, and hire them

Are you creating a project that needs writing work, but you really hate writing? Hire someone who loves to write and hand off that work; it will be worth the money to have that burden off of your shoulders. Play to your strengths and hire for your weaknesses.

5. Set a deadline, and reward yourself when you reach it

Setting a deadline is a key step in attaining your goals. Set this deadline a few days before your real deadline to ensure that you get everything done on time while giving yourself a little breathing room. Getting things done early gives you a head start on whatever project you're working on next, keeping you ahead of the game instead of always lagging behind.

6. Keep your work environment distraction free

Avoid the urge to browse the Internet, play with your smartphone, make personal phone calls, run personal errands during the workday, or allow other distractions to get in the way of accomplishing your goals. If you develop the habit of keeping work at work and personal stuff at home, you're more likely to accomplish what needs to get done during the day. And it will make your time at home more relaxing and enjoyable.

7. Keep emails short and to the point

There is no need to send a paragraph when one sentence will do. Not only does it waste your and the recipient's time, but people tend to respond more quickly to email messages that are direct and concise. That said, always be polite and courteous.

 

 

5 Tips : How to Stay Healthy While Starting Up

1. Get an Early Start

You likely already wake up early, but this also means you should be going to bed at a reasonable hour, allowing your mornings to be a time to focus on yourself.

Meditation and movement is one of the best ways to start your morning. We recommend doing five sets of one minute plank holds - an energizing and mentally engaging way to start your day. Mornings are also a great time for your workout. This routine gives you energy to start your day. Plus, exercising in the morning is like taking a shower: Beneficial and best of all, checked off of your to-do list. 

2. Plan Ahead for Moments of Snacking Desperation

Prepare a variety of healthy snacks at the beginning of each week. Bags of almonds, fresh produce and hard boiled eggs are great ways to tide you over should meetings run late throughout the day. This also ensures that when you do sit down for a meal, that you're not overeating.

3. Sneak in Mini Workouts

If you're unable to fit a workout into your morning routine, find ways to sneak in mini-workouts throughout the day.

Take five-minute breaks to do tricep dips and pushups next to your desk; you work not only your arms, but also your legs and core! If that doesn't work, take your conference calls standing or go on walks during brainstorms with team members.

4. Drink Water -- Lots of It

Always stay hydrated throughout the day. Keep a water bottle at home and at work so you’re never without access to one.

5. Push out the Stress

De-stress with a series of push-ups. When you’re engaging a series of muscles to perform a specific action, your shift your focus. These are the perfect remedy after receiving a less-than-pleasant email or phone call.

 

 

3 Situations When You Should Shut Your Mouth

We’re all wired to talk, especially entrepreneurs. Often founders can endlessly talk a blue streak, usually about themselves or their startup. Usually possessing this trait is beneficial, as the life of an entrepreneur revolves around hustling – selling our concept to investors, customers, partners, employees and vendors. But babbling on about your amazing startup or boasting about your accomplishments doesn't always score points.  

Here are three times why you should shut your mouth. 

You are meeting with a potential new client. Yogi Berra once said, “You can hear a lot just by listening,” a piece of advice entrepreneurs should remember. A big mistake entrepreneurs often make is talking at their clients instead of listening to them.

If you’ve got the meeting then chances are they already know enough about you to be interested. Don’t waste that important time together trying to pitch them on what you can do. Instead savor the opportunity to actively engage in listening to what they need.

You’re dealing with an angry client. No matter how good you or your product is, there is going to be times when angry clients complain. Don't make the mistake of retaliating. With the prevalence of social media outlets like Twitter and Yelp, information travels fast and nothing can be more damaging than a scathing review or tweet sent out in the heat of the moment from a customer.

So what’s the best way to take the lid of the pressure cooker during irate client situations? Just listen. The more you try to justify your perspective, policy or the situation, the angrier your client is going to become. Sure, you’re going to need to offer some solutions later down the road, but right now you need to let the situation diffuse. Understand your client is upset and needs to release some of that frustration. Begin by asking simple questions like, “Tell me what happened?” to demonstrate you’re actively taking their complaint to heart and processing the problem. They’ll remember later that you cared and you listened, which goes a long way for making long-term customers. 

You’re interviewing someone. One of the biggest mistakes entrepreneurs make during the interview process is they don’t listen. You’ve got a great resume or portfolio from this person already screened. You’ve spoken on the phone and have a sense of what the potential hire is like already. So shut your mouth and let them do the talking.

I’m not saying sit there and don’t utter a word -- it’s an interview not an interrogation room. However, letting the potential new team member do most of the talking prompts some interesting discoveries for you. First, it allows you to gauge the level of interest and intention the person has in your business. For me, I like to work with vendors and hire employees who take the time to invest some effort ahead of the interview into learning about my business. That shows initiative and a proactive attitude, which are two qualities I like on my team. 

Second, it allows you to get a sense of them beyond the resume. What do they talk like in person? How do they present themselves? Are you getting any gut reactions to them that make you uneasy?

Finally, what kind of questions are they asking you? Questions are indicative of interest and intellect. I like hearing people’s questions. Are they simple ones they could’ve answered themselves from a simple Google search about you? Or did they put some real thought behind making sure the fit is right on both sides? Listen to your instinct while allowing ample open time for talking. You’ll thank yourself down the road when you hire amazing people and lead a great team.

 

 

6 Types of People Who Are Really Hard to Talk To

Certain people are masters at feeding their own egos. If you’ve ever been cornered by a particularly insecure or competitive personality in the professional arena, you know how miserable these types of interactions can be.

They make conversation feel like a form of torture -- but it’s possible to navigate even the most challenging exchanges with grace.

1. The braggart. This dialogue-destroyer emphasizes status and wealth. He’ll share how much money he makes, with the conversation constantly revolving around his brand new Ferrari or his Fifth Avenue apartment.

Often, the not-so-humblebrags are delivered indirectly. He’ll tell you how the insurance on his yacht has skyrocketed in the past year, or how he wishes his girlfriend would stop buying Birkin bags. Whenever you run into a braggart, acknowledge his good fortune and then change the subject.

2. The rumormonger. This person is always at the center of gossip and drama. She’ll involve herself in everybody else’s personal lives and make it her business to spread juicy rumors.

Whenever you run into a rumormonger, change the subject -- or better yet, excuse yourself. Most importantly, never share anything confidential with her. If she’s spreading other people’s personal business around, you can bet she’ll do the same thing with yours.

3. The one-upper. This person will let you know that, whatever you’ve done, he’s got a story to top it. “Oh, you just got back from scaling Mount Kilimanjaro? That’s a good beginner’s trip. Climbing Everest was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.”

The one-upper likes to feel important. It can be a challenge -- but be patient and ask questions. “It’s great to meet a fellow mountain climber. What was the most challenging part of your Everest trip?”

4. The hard-hearted. This individual has no filter. She says whatever’s on her mind with no concern for others’ feelings. Typically, this person isn’t deliberately hurtful, but she lacks an ability to express herself without it being perceived as negative or rude. “You’re looking super skinny. Have a chocolate brownie. You could stand to gain a few pounds.”

Avoid the temptation to respond defensively. The best way to handle this situation is to kill her with kindness or deflect the comment with humor or flattery. “Thank you for your concern. I’m trying to lose a few pounds so I can look as good as you!”

5. The brain-picker. This person takes and never gives back. He’ll corner you and ask endless questions, always looking for free advice. “You’re a dermatologist? Will you look at this mole on my arm? Should I be concerned?” Don’t dispense your valuable knowledge for free. Respond with something like, “Call my office first thing Monday morning and my assistant will schedule an appointment for you.”

6. The rambler. We’ve all had the experience of being held hostage by a rambler at a networking event. This person talks at you instead of with you. She thinks she’s being social by speaking, but monopolizes the conversation and exhibits all the traits of a chronic non-listener -- often interrupting.

Try to introduce the rambler to someone else or excuse yourself politely. Make sure to engage and stay in control of the conversation, however, before you disengage.

 

The 10 Unique Soft Skills Employers Desire in New Hires

1. Being dependable. Employers value workers they can rely on to get the job done. There’s nothing better than an employee who is available at the drop of a dime, arrives to work on time and delivers quality results.

During the interview process, hiring managers should ask candidates about their work ethic. Dependable employee are individuals who meet deadlines, are team players and stay focused at work.

2. Pulling together a presentation. Regardless of their position, most employees are expected to make presentations to management, co-workers, customers and clients in some fashion.

For example, an in-house graphic designer might receive an email from the head of the marketing department about a new client. Although this employee isn’t a communications professional, she might be asked to pull together branding ideas in a presentation for the client.

3. Solving problems. Especially for fast-paced organizations, strong employees can think critically and effectively solve problems.

During the job interview, hiring managers should ask candidates about a time when they had to overcome a challenge in the workplace. This will help a hiring manager gauge the candidate’s ability to solve problems, be resourceful and face obstacles at work.  

4. Coaching co-workers. According to Millennial Branding report, 92 percent of employers value strong teamwork skills.

Strong employees are individuals willing to help co-workers and coach them along the way.

Let’s say a new employee has been hired and added to a group project. The new employee probably doesn’t have a clue about what’s going on yet. In this scenario, an employee who’s been on the team a while should take the new worker under his wing and coach the person through the new project.

5. Fitting into the company's culture. The Millennial Branding survey also revealed that 43 percent of employers want to hire employees who are a great cultural fit.

Cutural fit refers to when a candidate's values align with the employer's. If an employer values a balance between work and fun in the office, say, then hiring managers should search for candidates who share this outlook.

6. Voicing opinions while being open to feedback. Employees who are confident in their ideas but open to feedback can play influential roles in a workplace. During a brainstorming session, for example, such an employee would not only share ideas but also challenge others' by asking thoughtful questions. This can create a stimulating discussion and even spark innovation.

7. Being flexible and focused. Deadlines and projects can change at a moment's notice. Employees need to quickly adapt while remaining focused on meeting deadlines.

For example, an employee may have just received an assignment and deadlines for the week. But Wednesday arrives and the manager decides everything needs to be shifted to arrive a day earlier. A flexible employee would be able to quickly adapt to these changes and focus on projects with top priority.

8. Being creative and innovative. Whether the employee is an accountant or art director, creativity is what sparks change in the workplace.

During an interview, the hiring manager should ask the candidate about a time when he or she was assigned a new project. The candidate should respond highlighting personal examples of thinking outside of the box to achieve results.

9. Developing new work processes. Employees with the ability to analyze work processes and discover new ways to complete them efficiently are valuable to employers. Not only does this save employers time, but it can also add to the bottom line.

10. Taking initiative. An employee demonstrates initiative by coming up with an idea and putting it into action.

For example, an employee might develop an idea for social-media marketing campaign that will build awareness for the organization.  

After a company hires an employee, managers will want to gauge whether the employee will follow through in exhibiting soft skills. Some HR technology products let employers detect who has certain skills on the job. Talentoday is a skills assessment platform that helps employers measure soft skills and personalities through a variety of tests.

 

 

9 Awesome Ways to Inspire Others

1. Focus on relationships. One of the first quotes I heard upon entering my current career was, “Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Looking back on my special operations career, the SEALs never performed a single mission without outside support of other governmental agencies or counterparts. Everything was networked, it was all “who you knew” (much like everything else in the world).

2. Leave ego behind. If you really want to influence people, let your actions speak for themselves. It’s a timeless adage that still holds true today, but if you are that awesome at something then you don’t need to tell anyone because they already know.

3. Identify winning. When you know what winning (i.e. the end-state) looks like, all you have to do is zig and zag to get there. To realize the utmost potential and minimize wasted effort, identify exactly what you’re going after and make sure your people do, too. Redundancies arise when communication falters.

4. Use high-powered talent. Overseas, there were times when we only employed a handful of operators because that was all that the mission called for. Similarly, once you narrow down the desired end-state, work backwards to identify who best belongs where. If the same names arise again and again, it’s time to consider succession planning.

5. Set them free. Open the reigns and let the human need for autonomy and relevance flourish. People want to do well and succeed, but what often stifles opportunity is process. Daniel Pink, in his bestselling book Drive, calls this “the purpose motive.” Instead, give people a direction, a timeline and the authority to act.

6. Listen actively. There are two types of listeners: those who seek to understand, and those who seek to be understood. The former ignore their own biases as they patiently wait to understand the other’s viewpoint, whereas the latter nervously wait for you to stop talking so they can talk. 

7. Curb your enthusiasm. Overly excited, positive, depressed or negative people tend to serve as social hand grenades, which is why emotional intelligence (EI) is so important. EI is one’s ability to interpret emotions both in oneself and others, and consists of four parts: self-awareness, social awareness, self-management and relationship management. Curbing your enthusiasm falls smack in the middle of all four because nobody wants to be around any grenade when the pin is pulled.

8. Build your resilience. Displaying just how much you can handle -- physically, mentally, emotionally -- can be awe-inspiring to others. Everybody likes hearing stories of the parent who lifted a car to save a child, or the uncommon rags-to-riches success story. When you do more, you become more.

9. Speak up. People need to know two things: where you stand on a given topic, and where they stand with you. Animosity and jealousy form when people are uncertain as to how others value them. I’m of the belief that most news is good news because there’s always something to be learned no matter what. Always take something away that makes you a better you.

10 Tips for Unleashing Your Creativity at Work

1. Get visual. Regardless of your role, industry or responsibilities, visualizing data and ideas is an incredibly powerful tool to get your team thinking. Get off the phone, go in a room together (a virtual room will work, too) and use a whiteboard until your hand hurts.

2. Throw out the rule book. The next time you get your team together to brainstorm, create and enforce a “no holds barred” idea session. Nothing is off the table; nothing is outside the realm of possibility. Avoid words and phrases like “but,” “how would we” and “we can’t.” If necessary, designate someone to police those phrases and keep everyone honest.

3. Work backward. Figure the goal or ideal scenario 10 to 15 years down the road. Start there and work your way backward. Don’t worry about the “how.” Focus on the “what.” Your road map will literally unfold itself.

4.  Make a game of it. At the start of your next meeting try a game  to get the creative juices flowing. Have everyone write a random idea down, crumple it up and toss it onto the center of the table. Pick one idea at random and build it out. Or switch roles. Ask those assembled, “If you were me, how would you tackle this problem?”

5. Write down absolutely everything. No thought is too small, and no idea is too “out there.” Anything can potentially have value to your business. You never know what word or phrase is going to spark the next word or phrase, which could then lead to your next big idea. Get it all down on paper. Find somewhere prominent to keep ideas displayed, such as an idea board or whiteboard.

6. Take mental breaks. A lot of business leaders view social media and other distraction sites as time-wasters, instead of recognizing them for what they really are: mental breaks. It’s practically impossible to nurture creativity in a tired, burned-out brain. Encouraging mental breaks is the key to developing employees’ creative side and boosting morale.

7. Take a trip to happy hour. We tend to spend our workdays chained to our coffee mugs. But did you know that a little bit of alcohol can help with brainstorming too? A single beer can relax your brain, making you less focused on the negatives, and less likely to squash your good ideas. The next time you need a good brainstorm, find the nearest happy hour and get to work.

8. Get physical. Engaging in a physical activity can help unlock your creative mind, particularly if your job is primarily sedentary. Go outside for a run, walk, bike ride or whatever activity suits you. (I’m a motocross guy, myself.) This will relax your mind, and afterward you can attack a problem or idea with a fresh brain. Inspiration might even strike mid-stride.

9. Play to your strengths. It’s a common misconception that creativity exists only in people with specifically “creative” roles and skills and that the more analytical among us are too dull and logical. In fact, any skill can be used creatively. Are you an Excel wizard? Throw your ideas into a spreadsheet to categorize and dissect them and watch the brainstorm develop.

10. Get the words out. The hardest part of any brainstorming session, alone or in a group, is getting the ball rolling. The easiest solution? Just talk. Or write. Start getting words out or down on paper, even if they’re borderline nonsensical at first. It’s all about getting over that initial hurdle, so the ideas can start flowing.

7 Ways To Lose Friends And Not Influence People At Work

1. They purposefully misunderstand feedback

The most unsuccessful people always seem to have this trait: they hear what they want to hear instead of the truth. Recently, I had a misunderstanding with someone who is not that interested in my own point of view. I've explained my opinion a few times, but have come to the realization that this person doesn't really want to understand me. My friend is not interested in growth or changing his leadership style; he's only interested in being right. The result? I am not so sure our friendship will even last.

2. They communicate as poorly as possible

Set down the tablet, close your e-mail program--put your smartphone on silent. Those are all great tactics for pushing friends away. People who lack influence and close colleague relationships are always poor communicators. They live in a bubble of seclusion, quietly trying to work out their own success. It's a strange way to operate, but it makes sense to selfish people who only care about their own advancement.

3. They keep their ideas confidential

People who lack any influence in the workplace are usually mousy, secretive, and lack confidence. I've written before about how the most liked people at work are usually those that talk and share their ideas. Those who lack influence are the exact opposite: they don't ever talk, so no one in the office bothers to ask their opinion. They don't have any friends at work because they won't share the credit with anyone--or even share an idea.

4. They start every conversation being critical

Finger pointing--there's a great tactic to win friends! Instead of admitting weaknesses and starting an investor meeting with a little humility, friendless people always start with a complaint about a project, a person, or a proposal. "Oh, that's not going to work, and here's why..." they always say, and it's a sure way to make people defensive.

5. They only see things only from their perspective

One of the most brilliant insights Carnegie ever had was to start seeing things from the perspective of other people. This actually works, because you adjust your behavior to "win" them over in an honest way. You give them the gift of empathy and they respond. Unsuccessful people never do this. They look at projects and companies in light of how they will benefit personally, the recognition they will receive, and the paycheck they'll get in the end. The are not just myopic; they are blind to an anyone else's perspective.

6. They always expect others to comply

Failed leaders always have a "my way or the highway" approach. They stomp-stomp-stomp around the office and raise their voice in meetings, using aggressive tactics to get what they want. Everyone else has to adjust to their approach. And they have no friends. Their lack of empathy plays out in the workplace in a tangible way because no one ever wants to work with them or fall under their dictum; in the end, they know it will be the bad golden rule (she who has the most gold rules) and not the good one.

7. They go it alone

When you look at the most unsuccessful people at work, they all share the same trait: they are loners. They don't understand the power of teamwork, or how to adjust personal goals for the sake of the company, or even how to set aside a task list for once and help someone else on a project. One single person is never, ever successful. Successful leaders in business always have a team who helps them push a company forward; they share the glory.

17 Daily Habits My Dad Insists Will Make You Happier and More Successful

1. Carpe diem.

You know that this is Latin for "seize the day," right? This is the first daily habit on my dad's list. No matter how yesterday went--whether you had great triumphs or whether you wish you'd spent the whole day in bed, remember that every new day is a new opportunity. You can't rest on yesterday's accomplishments, and you never have to repeat yesterday's mistakes.

2. Spend as much time as you can with the people you love.

Your spouse, your kids, your parents, your close friends--whoever they are--make sure that you find lots of time to spend time with the people you truly care about. If you want to feel really guilty about this, check out the calculator at seeyourfolks.com, which will calculate how many more times you're likely to see your parents based on past experience and life expectancy. (We'll wait here while you go give them a call afterward.)

3. At the same time, love the ones you're with.

There are many different kinds of love, and here my dad is talking about showing respect and concern for the people you spend your days with. "That is simply, love everyone," is how my dad put it, and he added a quote from Thomas Merton: "Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone--we find it with another."

4. Work hard.

You can't always determine what you get out of something, but you can often control what you put into it. When I was growing up and I'd be anxious over some school assignment or other project, my dad would usually ask me the same question afterward: "Did you give it your best shot? Then forget about it."

5. At the end of the day, go home.

This one seems simple, until you start to realize how most of us are almost 100% on and accessible all the time now. Now, I'm not going to pretend that either my dad or I truly live up to this advice, but it's a good goal to have.

6. Later, go to bed.

"Get the rest you need. Your body needs sleep--not just 'rest and relaxation'--for it to work well," my dad insists. He's right of course--and it's even become fashionable to admit that people need sleep.

7. Get some exercise.

My dad's sport is swimming, and while he came to it late, my dad has the zeal of a convert. A few years ago he did a half-mile open water swim off the beach in Narragansett, R.I. Regardless of what sport or activity works for you, my dad advises, your day will be improved if you do something athletic. Science backs him up.

8. Have a little faith.

As a lawyer--the kind of lawyer who takes on real clients and tries real cases in court--dad has pretty much seen it all. He also has stronger religious (Catholic) faith than most people I know, perhaps in part because he's had his faith tested in many ways. It helps immensely if you believe in something bigger than yourself.

9. Learn another language.

My dad studied ancient Greek and Latin in high school. More recently, in his 60s, he decided to try to learn Farsi, I guess to better understand what some of our nation's enemies were saying about us. Whether you're literally learning another language or simply learning how to do new things and to challenge your preconceptions, the lesson is clear: Keep learning.

10. Read every day.

In a few weeks, guess what I'll get my dad for Father's Day: a book, most likely something on the top of the New York Times nonfiction bestseller lists. It's what I've been doing for decades, so why stop now? I can't think of many people I've known who read more than my dad. Importantly, he usually reads about things that have nothing to do with his work.

11. Keep your wardrobe simple.

My dad gave me this advice years ago when I first started working--so of course I completely ignored it at the time. However, had I gone ahead as he'd suggested and bought a handful of white and blue shirts, for example, and worn them every day, it would have been one fewer decision to have to make in the morning. It looks like that kind of simplification worked for Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, anyway.

12. Shine your shoes.

Shined shoes make you stand out these days, because most people are so casual. You can probably substitute something else for this habit. Just pick things that advertise to the world that you take care of small things. So maybe you also take care of bigger things.

(Here's a text from my dad a few hours before this column ran: "Just read it again. On point 11, change 'one less decision' to 'one fewer decision.' Your grammar is wrong. Then, point out this message as an example of point 12.")

13. Tell the people you love that you love them.

Hey, we're back to love. Don't just spend time with the people you love, as advised back in No. 2. Make sure you actually tell them that you love them. For example, when I talk to my dad, he'll tell me to tell my wife that he loves her. Unnecessarily but amusingly, he'll add that I should be sure to mention that he means he loves her "appropriately."

14. Don't worry.

This is one of those do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do pieces of advice, as my dad is in fact pretty good at worrying about things. That said, worrying rarely improves the odds of good things happening, and can actually diminish those odds.

15. Be kind to animals.

My dad has had dogs since he was little. He treats animals well. His advice? If you want to treat a dog well, treat it like a dog. Don't try to make it into something it isn't, and doesn't want to be (for example, a little human being). Help it become the best possible version of itself.

16. Find good assistants.

For many years, my father had the same, excellent secretary. He taught me long ago that even during the times when you're working by yourself, you have to be willing to depend on others for help. The most productive people in the world often succeed because they refuse to do some things.

17. Repeat as needed.

This is perhaps the most important bit of advice on my dad's list, so it's fitting to have saved it for last. None of these items are actions so much as they are behaviors. The first time you commit to them, you won't see results. Over a lifetime, however, they can greatly improve your life. Aristotle put it best: "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit."

 

10 Secrets for Instant Self-Confidence

1. Smile

The one-second tip for when you're feeling nervous and unconfident is simply to smile! You don't just smile because you are happy and confident – you can smile to make yourself feel better. The act of smiling is so strongly associated with positive feelings that it's almost impossible to feel bad while smiling.

"Smiling is much more then just a facial expression. The simple act of smiling releases feel-good endorphins, improves circulation to the face, makes you feel good about yourself in general and can definitely increase your self confidence. … you will also appear more confident to others while you're smiling."

2. Make eye contact

As well as smiling, meet the eyes of other people in the room. Give them your smile; you'll almost certainly get one back, and being smiled at is a great self-confidence boost. Like smiling, eye contact shows people that you're confident. Staring at your shoes or at the table reinforces your feelings of self-doubt and shyness.

This tip is particularly useful for work-related situations – make eye contact with interviewers, or with the audience for your presentation:

"Eye contact helps take the fear away from the speaker by getting the audience closer to him. Stress is mainly a result of being with the unknown and uncontrollable. Eye contact gives the speaker a picture of the reality that is the audience. It also helps in getting the attention of the audience."

3. Change your inner voice

Most of us have a critical inner voice that tells us we're stupid, not good enough, that we're too fat, thin, loud, quiet… Being able to change that inner voice is key to feeling self-confident on the inside, which will help you project your confidence to the world. Make your inner voice a supportive friend who knows you fully but also recognizes your talents and gifts, and wants you to make the best of yourself.

"You still want to be able to hear the message, so don't make it so chilled and laid back that you never take any notice of it. You can even choose 2, 3 or as many voices as you want for different occasions. Your voice should always support you, always be helpful, never aggressive and it never puts you down."

4. Forget other people's standards

Whatever the situation that's causing you a crisis of self-confidence, you can help yourself immeasurably by holding yourself to your own standards alone. Other people have different values from you, and however hard you try, you'll never please everyone all of the time. Don't worry that people will think you're too overweight, underweight, too feckless, too boring, too frugal, too frivolous … hold yourself to your standards, not some imagined standards belonging to others. And remember that commonly-held values and standards vary from society to society: you don't have to accept them just because the people around you do.

"People's values define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas about what is acceptable and not acceptable."

Even if you've only got a minute or two, duck into the bathroom to make sure you're looking your best. Brushing your hair, giving your face a good wash, retouching your makeup, straightening your collar, checking you've not got a bit of parsley stuck between your teeth … all of these can make the difference between feeling confident in your physical appearance and feeling anxious about an imagined flaw.

"Perfect your physical appearance: There's no denying that one's grooming plays a crucial role in building confidence. Although we know what's on the inside is what truly counts, your physical appearance will be the first to create an impression."

6. Pray or meditate briefly

If you believe in a higher power, whether God, or another spiritual force, it can be a real boost to self-confidence to say a silent prayer. (You could also meditate instead of praying.) This helps you to take a step back from your immediate situation, to see the wider picture and to seek help from something or someone greater than yourself. This is a Christian prayer, but you could write something similar that fits your own religious beliefs or spiritual tradition:

"Dear God, thank you that you love and accept me as I am … please help me to do the same … and help me to grow to become the person you want me to be so that my God-confidence and self-confidence will increase greatly—all for the glory of your name and not mine. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Amen."

7. Reframe

If something unexpected happens, it's easy to let it knock your fledgling self-confidence. Perhaps you spill your drink on someone, you arrive late for the big meeting because of traffic problems, or someone who you wanted to speak to gives you a cold brush-off. Try to "reframe" the situation; put it in the best possible light: often, events are only negative because of the meaning we attach to them.

8. Find the next step

Keep your self-confidence up by taking gradual steps forwards, rather than freezing when faced with what seems like a giant leap. If you're not sure what to do, look for one simple step that you can take to make progress. That might mean making eye contact at a party, introducing yourself to a stranger, breaking the ice in a meeting, or asking a question of your interviewers that shows your knowledge of their industry and company.

"Start taking action even if you don't have a clear idea of what needs to be done. Start moving towards your goal. Make corrections later."

9. Speak slowly

An easy tip for both seeming and being more self-confidence is to speak slowly. If you gabble, you'll end up feeling worse as you know you're being unclear to your audience or to the person you're in a conversation with. Speaking slowly gives you the chance to think about what you're going to say next. If you're giving a talk or presentation, pause at the end of phrases and sentences to help your audience take in what you've said.

"A person in authority, with authority, speaks slowly. It shows confidence. A person who feels that he isn't worth listening to will speak quickly, because he doesn't want to keep others waiting on something not worthy of listening to."

10. Contribute something

Have you ever sat through an entire class at college or meeting at work without saying a word? Have you had an evening out where friends chatted happily while you sat and stared silently at your drink? Chances are, you weren't feeling very self-confident at the time – and you probably felt even worse afterwards. Whatever the situation you're in, make an effort to contribute. Even if you don't think you have much to say, your thoughts and perspective are valuable to those around you.

"By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you'll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers