7 Ways To Lose Friends And Not Influence People At Work

1. They purposefully misunderstand feedback

The most unsuccessful people always seem to have this trait: they hear what they want to hear instead of the truth. Recently, I had a misunderstanding with someone who is not that interested in my own point of view. I've explained my opinion a few times, but have come to the realization that this person doesn't really want to understand me. My friend is not interested in growth or changing his leadership style; he's only interested in being right. The result? I am not so sure our friendship will even last.

2. They communicate as poorly as possible

Set down the tablet, close your e-mail program--put your smartphone on silent. Those are all great tactics for pushing friends away. People who lack influence and close colleague relationships are always poor communicators. They live in a bubble of seclusion, quietly trying to work out their own success. It's a strange way to operate, but it makes sense to selfish people who only care about their own advancement.

3. They keep their ideas confidential

People who lack any influence in the workplace are usually mousy, secretive, and lack confidence. I've written before about how the most liked people at work are usually those that talk and share their ideas. Those who lack influence are the exact opposite: they don't ever talk, so no one in the office bothers to ask their opinion. They don't have any friends at work because they won't share the credit with anyone--or even share an idea.

4. They start every conversation being critical

Finger pointing--there's a great tactic to win friends! Instead of admitting weaknesses and starting an investor meeting with a little humility, friendless people always start with a complaint about a project, a person, or a proposal. "Oh, that's not going to work, and here's why..." they always say, and it's a sure way to make people defensive.

5. They only see things only from their perspective

One of the most brilliant insights Carnegie ever had was to start seeing things from the perspective of other people. This actually works, because you adjust your behavior to "win" them over in an honest way. You give them the gift of empathy and they respond. Unsuccessful people never do this. They look at projects and companies in light of how they will benefit personally, the recognition they will receive, and the paycheck they'll get in the end. The are not just myopic; they are blind to an anyone else's perspective.

6. They always expect others to comply

Failed leaders always have a "my way or the highway" approach. They stomp-stomp-stomp around the office and raise their voice in meetings, using aggressive tactics to get what they want. Everyone else has to adjust to their approach. And they have no friends. Their lack of empathy plays out in the workplace in a tangible way because no one ever wants to work with them or fall under their dictum; in the end, they know it will be the bad golden rule (she who has the most gold rules) and not the good one.

7. They go it alone

When you look at the most unsuccessful people at work, they all share the same trait: they are loners. They don't understand the power of teamwork, or how to adjust personal goals for the sake of the company, or even how to set aside a task list for once and help someone else on a project. One single person is never, ever successful. Successful leaders in business always have a team who helps them push a company forward; they share the glory.