Nobody wants to be a yes-man (or woman), but that doesn't make it any
easier to say no to your boss. Whether you're being asked to increase
your workload, take on a task that you believe is a bad idea, or work
the weekend, how do you tactfully decline?
"People have a hard time saying 'no'––period––and when you introduce
power, it gets exponentially worse," says Joseph Grenny, coauthor of
Crucial Conversations.
Yet, good bosses appreciate employees who have the confidence to say
no, says workplace communications consultant Diane Amundson. "Most say
they're willing to listen to sound reasoning to find a solution," she
says. "It's all about how you frame and phrase it."
Instead of declining the request and walking away, Grenny and Amundson
offer seven tips for delivering an effective, non-polarizing "no":
1. Avoid a Power Struggle
Begin by acknowledging that the decision is ultimately your boss's,
says Grenny. "Clarify that by saying, 'I have strong opinions on what
is the right answer but I understand this is your call,'" he says.
"Otherwise the subject can become a power struggle."
It's not who is right, it's what is right.
Amundson says sometimes a "no" is a battle not a war, and you need to
know the difference. "Ask yourself what the worst outcome may be from
saying 'no' and write this down," she suggests. "Decide which appears
to have the biggest impact on your current workload and future with
the company."
2. Acknowledge That You Ultimately Have The Same Goals.
Members of the military say to salute the flag before you disagree
with a senior officer, says Grenny. The same is true in business. Keep
in mind that your ultimate goal is the same: to further the company.
"Your mutual higher purpose is to serve, and your job is to accomplish
goals," he says. "It's not who is right, it's what is right."
3. Empathize
People are more open to having someone disagree with them if they feel
deeply understood, says Grenny.
"Listen to your boss's arguments and concerns before voicing your
own," he says. "She will feel much less defensive if she felt heard.
If you aren't willing to change your opinion, don't expect your boss
to change hers."
If you aren't willing to change your opinion, don't expect your boss
to change hers.
Amundson agrees: "You can say, 'I understand your perspective, and
here's another way to think about the situation,'" she says. "If you
have sound reasoning and honored their idea, your boss will be more
open to listening."
4. Explain The Consequences Of The Request
People often believe if their boss trusted them, they'd be willing to
take a chance and follow their suggestion, but you shouldn't make a
disagreement personal when it doesn't need to be, says Grenny.
Instead, draw power from the facts. After you've acknowledged the
importance of the request, share how the new task might impact other
projects. For example, it might take away needed resources or burden
your workload. Then ask for a solution.
"Is there something your boss could take off your plate to allow you
the time to take on this project?" asks Amundson.
5. Share Your Facts.
Too often we get into a debate about conclusions, says Grenny. "If you
want to say 'no,' and your boss wants you to say 'yes,' each of you
has information that differs," he says. Start by exposing where your
facts are thin.
"Acknowledge what you know to be true and tell your boss how it caused
your conclusion," he says. "Ask how your boss came to her conclusion.
If you're simply in a no-yes argument, you're arguing conclusions not
facts."
6. Set boundaries From The Start.
When the requests are about your time, Amundson says it's helpful to
establish rules early on.
"If you don't want to be on call during weekends or holidays, make
this clear in the beginning where there is more leeway and where it's
black and white," she says. Then saying "no" won't come as a surprise.
7. Think Through The Timing.
What has happened in the office right before this request? Amundson
says it might impact your ability to say 2no."
"If you have just received a poor work evaluation or have said 'no'
recently to your boss, perhaps it's not the best time to buck the
system," she says. "If your past performance has been praised and
valued, you have more leeway."
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