7 Habits of EFFECTIVE FAMILY : Habit 1 - Be Proactive

‘Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom’. This powerful concept establishes not only the opportunity, but also our personal responsibility, for the course our lives. ‘What we all need is a “pause button” – something that enables us to insert a pause between what happens to us, and our response to it, and to choose our own response.’  Habits 1, 2 and 3 focus on how to create that pause button and how to act on principles and values rather than reacting based on feelings or circumstances. As the choices we make all lead to outcomes, by improving the quality of our choices, we can improve those outcomes. Our ability to utilize our freedom of choice is based on four unique human gifts–

1. Self-awareness

2. Conscience

3. Imagination and

4. Independent Will

The development of these gifts like the development of a muscle requires work. The essence of proactivity, and the use of these four gifts, lies in taking responsibility and initiative by focusing on the things that we can do something about. This introduces the concept of the circle of concern and the circle of influence. Proactive people focus on the circle of influence and as a result that circle increases. One way to tell whether you are in your circle of influence or circle of concern is to listen to your own language.

Circle of Concern Circle of Influence

Blaming Vs Accepting responsibility

Accusing Vs Accepting responsibility

Reactive Vs Proactive

‘I can’t….’ Vs ‘I can….’

‘If only….’ Vs ‘I can….’

Building the Emotional Bank Account

The emotional bank account represents the quality of the relationship that you have with another person. You ‘can make deposits by proactively doing things that build trust in the relationship, or you can make withdrawals by reactively doing things that decrease the level of trust. The balance of trust in the account determines how well you communicate and solve problems with another person.

Proactively making deposits is something that we can always do. In fact every problem can become an opportunity to make a deposit. For example –

• Someone’s ‘bad day’ becomes an opportunity to be kind

• An offence becomes an opportunity to apologize or forgive

• Someone’s gossip becomes an opportunity to be loyal to those not present

‘The decision to be the creative force of our own lives is the most fundamental choice of all. This is the basis of Habit 1 – Be proactive.