7 Habits of EFFECTIVE FAMILY : Habit 4 - Think 'Win-Win'

Habits 4, 5 and 6 are linked. They work together to create new ideas and solutions that are better than could be achieved by any one individual.

 

• Habit 4 – Think ‘win-win’ is the root. It’s the fundamental paradigm of seeking mutual benefit.

• Habit 5 – Seek first to understand…then to be understood is the route. Is the path to understanding.

• Habit 6 – Synergise is the fruit. It is the result. A reward for the effort which creates a something better than 1 + 1 = 2

 

These three habits are about creating the social weather that helps us ask the question ‘Would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either of us is now proposing? The consequence of not working towards win-win is to accept either win-lose or lose-win, neither of which is a satisfactory outcome. The principle behind win-win is that what is important to another person must be as important to you as the other person is to you.

 

Cultivating the spirit of win-win

 

Inexperienced or immature people tend to act on their wants, and not their needs. Often unpopular decisions made by parents appear to be win-lose. The key is in the relationship as measured by the emotional bank account. ‘People will basically allow you to deal with their needs rather than their wants when they trust you and know that you care.’

An important step is creating win-win agreements, which contain – desired results, guidelines, resources, accountability and consequences.

Thinking win-win is at the heart of what family is all about. But this is often difficult to remember when caught up in the emotion of the moment. The ‘pause’ between stimulus and response discussed in Habit 1 is critical, as it provides the opportunity to connect with the ‘big picture’ or destination which was established by Habit 2 (Begin with the End in Mind).