Mr . Laloo Prasad Yadav was sitting with his Ministers examining mail .
Suddenly Mr. Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter ! It is addressed to
the stupidest man in Bihar '. His minister tried to calm him by saying :
' How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '. Mr. Laloo replied sadly :
' This does not bothers me, but why did the postman deliver it at the right address.'
A piece entitled ' In praise of Laloo Yadav ' , says :
They have Hawala , We have Gowala ,
They have Hulla-Balloo , We have Laloo,
They have a Pouting P.M. , We have a Shouting C.M.,
They have a Beta , We have a Saala.
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the phone down.
Laloos family planning policy.. "Don't have more than two children in one year"
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?" Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
There was a bitter quarrel between wives of two POLITICIANS . The conversation between both was as follows :
Wife 1 : ' Your husband is corrupt & was caught red handed accepting the Bribe . '
Wife 2 : ' It's absolutely wrong .And who are you to talk ! There is an inquiry going on against your husband also . '
Wife 1 : ' It's true but the inquiry is being conducted by a First Class Magistrate . But the inquiry against your husband is carried out by a Retired Govt. Servant .'
Local Call
Our three respected Indians,Vajpayeeji,Chandrababu Naidu and,of course,Lalooji go to'narak' after their death. They are very sad as they are missing their people on earth. So, they request the devils to allow them to make a call to their relatives at their respective homes. The devils, out of respect for their high positions, permit them to do so. First, Vajpayeeji calls his relatives in Delhi. He talks for 15 minutes and then passes the phone to Naidu. The latter also calls his state and talks to his wife for 20 minutes and gives the chance to Laloo. Now, Lalooji calls Bihar and starts talking to Rabri Devi. He talks for many hours.
Soon after,the telephone bills arrive. Vajpayeeji pays Rs 150, Naidu Rs 200 and Laloo Rs 50. All of them are surprised how Laloo had talked to his wife for over an hour.Lalooji's reply was simple. He had made a local call to Bihar. How? "Arre bhai BIHAR to pahele hi narak hai" !
Once Laloo returned from England and his wife rabri asked him, 'Are Kuch Angreji wagare sikhi ki nahin englandva mein jakar.'
Laloo replied ' Bilkul sikhe hain.'
Rabri then said ' Tanik angreji mein kahkar to batao ki hamra nam laloo hain.' Laloo replied, 'Small mein bole ya Capital mein bole?'
Joke 2
Laloo's weight
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport.As there was a huge rush the security guard told Laloo 'WAIT PLEASE' for which Laloo replied '65Kgs' and moved on...
Joke 3
Time difference
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas..So he called up the Tourist department and asked them 'Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...'.
The man at the other end replies 'One second sir...' and Laloo immediately replies 'thank you' and puts the phone down.
Joke 4
Laloos family planning policy..
'DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR'
Joke 5
Laloo's drink
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, 'JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE.'
And the man's companion says, 'JACK DANIELS, SINGLE.'
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, 'AND YOU, SIR?'
Laloo replies: 'LALOO YADAV, MARRIED.'
Joke 6
Laloo as a model?
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling. Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.GUESS THE CAPTION !!
'Laloo, third from left!'
A reporter asked Laloo 'What's the main reason for divorce ?'
'Marriage'
The Ceiling Fan
Rabri Devi died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" .....
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?".......
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.
Rabri asked, "Where's my darling Laloo's clock?"
"Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied St.Peter,
guess why?
"I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
10.There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!
9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!
8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and Pasta.
7. India's National Sport will be Soccer.
6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and will be replaced by Jayalalitha!
5. National vegetable-Zucchini
4. There will be Pope John Paul's 'yearly' visit - twice every year!!
3. Jahangir Art Gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's Confetti house"!!
2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!!
I. All Sindhi People will get promotions because she thinks they are all ITALIANS!! (Kotwani, Multani, Vaswani, etc., resemble Mussolini, Gianini, Benini etc.. Kulkarnis also have a fair chance)
Laloo becomes PM (if you haven't cut your throat yet, read on) and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Pervez Musharraf. They decide to meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.
Laloo then emerges from the room. Reporters clamour for a statement.
"Pervezbhai will make the announcement" is all Laloo will say. Musharraf comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached!
The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5 minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the press clamours.
"Sab akai-waalon ka kamaal hai," (All because of the Akai company people) says Laloo. "Who kehte hain na, TV loge tho fridge doonga, video khareedein to cellphone free (They give fridge free if you buy TV, cellphone free if you buy VCR )... tho ham bhi Pervezbhai se keh diye: "aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar free milega, bas!" (SO, I said to Pervezbhai - "You want Kashmir, right? Take it. But you will get Bihar free with it!")
How was the LTTE party? It was a blast!
What do LTTE students do when they fail? They become suicide bombers
What's LTTE's favourite chai? LT tea
What do you call an LTTE babe? A bomb.
What's the LTTE's fave drink? Gren-ade!
What is the LTTE 's fave movie? Refugee!
What's the LTTE's favourite ISP? Cal-tiger
What do LTTE gravestones usually say? Rest in pieces
What is an LTTE member least likely to die of? Old age
How did the sucide bomber scare his wife? By threatening to hug her!
What is every LTTE operation nicknamed? Project tiger
How do you confuse an LTTE? No need to he already is!
Which soap is banned in Jaffna? Chandrika
What do you call abnormal LTTEs? Humans
What do the LTTE call a good looking car? A car bomb!
What do you call a benevolent LTTE? Traitor!
What Net account does the LTTE have? A shell account
What is the LTTE fave book? Shall we kill the president?
What is a kind female LTTE bomber called? Mercy-Nari
What is the LTTE's fave rock number? I of the tiger
How do you distinguish a tiger from an LTTE? The tiger can't speak Tamil
Through the center of Lahore there's the new Indo-Pak train speeding along (Samjhuata Express or whatever - which goes between India and Pak).
In one compartment of the train there are four people. A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, a Pakistani soldier, and our own Santa Singh. Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap. When the train exits the tunnel, the Pakistani soldier is holding the side of his face, and Santa Singh is grinning his face off. The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, the Pakistani soldier tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "Now that's a strange Pakistani soldier, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."
The Pakistani soldier is thinking : "Now that's a smart Indian, he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
And Santa Singh is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping a Pakistani soldier."
The following conversation takes place between two Punjabis :
P1 : ' Our P.M is so good and proper in his decisions that he wants to be fair to every one . '
P2 : ' You have very High opinion about our P.M . '
P1 : ' What you said is not the truth . You see , in our country every important matter takes time to be sorted out . The P.M tackles all the matters in the alphabetical order, so first come matters like Assam, Ayodhya ..... etc , B's .... and so on . The matters like Kashmir must wait till their turn comes while Punjab comes much latter in the list , so Punjabis must learn to bepatient
After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture. To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION "Laloo, third from left"
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"
Jokes on LALOO
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport.As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT
PLEASE for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on..
*******************************************************
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and LasVegas..So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies"thank you" and puts the phone down.
*************************************************************
Laloos family planning policy.."DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"
*******************************************************
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender,"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE." The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV,MARRIED."
*************************************************************
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar,Laloo decides to go modelling.Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and rest in his
elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION !!
"Laloo, third from left!"
*************************************************************
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.The Japanese Emissary was quite
impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into the next Bihar !"
*************************************************************
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Laloo proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend. "It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT," Laloo brags. "FIVE MONTHS ?
THAT'S TOO LONG." the friend exclaims."YOU ARE A FOOL".
Laloo replies."SEE THIS NOTE, IT READS -"FOR 4-7 YRS".
*************************************************************
Bill Clinton decided to teach' Laloo English,so he invited him over to the US. Laloo arrives in full grandeur. Bill announces
to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tution inside the White house, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo english.Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out. The whole country and its economy has come to a standstill, and press, news reporters from all over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the
outcome. At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo beaming his resplendant white smile, looking cool and
unruffled.However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and he has scratch marks all over
his face.The shocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr.Clinton ?"
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"
*************************************************************
During an International conference, three scientists, an American, a German, and an Indian, were talking and bragging about the
technological advances their respective countries have achieved in the field of medicine. The American said "In Washington, there was a baby boy born without arms so we attached artificial arms on him. And now that he's grownup and became
an Olympic professional boxer and a gold medalist !" The German replied, "That's nothing to what we have achieved. Back
in Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs so we attached a pair of artificial legs on her. Now she is a three-time Olympics marathon gold medalist !" The Indian interjected " Is that all you have achieved , just gold medalists? In Patna, Bihar we had a baby boy born without a HEAD !
We attached a COCONUT and called him Laloo and he has grown up and now he is the Chief Minister of Bihar !"
*************************************************************
Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by a private plane.Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is going to crash! And we have only fourparachutes and there are five
of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here."
Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane.Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live !" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped Laloo Yadav
said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India ....and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live !" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped
off the plane. The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump." The school boy said, "Don't worry ! There are still two parachutes left with us ! The most intelligent person,Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag !"
Laloo was in a plane with Sonia, a priest, a school student and the pilot. The engine developed trouble and there were only four parachutes. Sonia jumps first saying that the nation needs her. Laloo jumps next saying Bihar needs him badly. Pilot jumps next. The priest asked the student to take the last parachute and jump. Student replies. "Two parachutes are left. Laloo took my school bag and jumped!"
-------
While Laloo was visiting a village, he saw a herd of buffalos and wanted his photograph to be taken with the herd. Press photographer obliged. But next day the picture appears on the front page with the caption. "Laloo with the buffalos. He is third from the left."
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Laloo was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered "no." The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question yes, was "why?" Nevertheless, Laloo answered it "Never got caught."
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The other day Laloo remarked to a friend, "I just finished a puzzle and it only took me five months." "Five months?" his friend asked. "That seems like an awfully long time to do a puzzle." "Not at all," Laloo explained. "The box says 6 to 12 years."
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A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil. As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as Laloo snuggling up to a beautiful woman.
"That's unfair!" he cried. "I have to roast for all eternity, and Laloo gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
"Shut up," barked the devil, jabbing him with his pitchfork. "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
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After much thought and consideration, Laloo Prasad finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven. Several weeks after the funeral, Laloo's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
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Why do they bury Laloo Prasad under 20 feet of dirt?
Because deep down, he is a really good man.
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A Rabbi, a Hindu and Laloo were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.
The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!" The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!" Laloo, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals. In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...
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